About DE Enterprises

What is DE Enterprises? There are a number of ways to answer this question; the simplest answer is: We are leaders¹ in the revolutionary multi-field industry, an unparalleled resource for advanced multi-application engineering, the one and only first class source of innovative poly-usage designs, and a clearinghouse of knowledge on omni-purpose products.

This answer, although concise, does little to convey the full scope of DE Enterprises. Perhaps the best way to understand the answer to this question is to describe the motivating force behind all DE Enterprises innovations, strategies, and decisions: efficiency. DE Enterprises is, above all else, about efficiency. Everyone at DE Enterprises strives for maximum efficiency, and this is reflected in each and every one of our products. You see, for every product or service, our commitment to efficiency is two-fold: our product is itself developed to increase the efficiency of the customer, and our product is engineered such that this increase in efficiency is itself done efficiently. This, of course, is a gross simplification of our commitment to efficiency, but consultations with linguistic experts have revealed that the aforementioned simplified description is at the very zenith of clarity and conciseness in its current form, and to add more would reduce the efficiency of this page at communicating our commitment to efficiency; needless to say, that would be an embarrassing irony!

We now have another way to answer the question. What is DE Enterprises? DE Enterprises is efficient.

Who Works for DE Enterprises?

DE Enterprises employs approximately 10,000² dedicated employees in our various divisions. Whether in our award-winning³ research and development department, our product design labs, or our entertainment division, every employee is 100% committed to our philosophy of efficiency. To learn more about members of the DE Enterprises board, please visit the “Staff” link from our main page.

Frequently Asked Questions About DE Enterprises

Why is efficiency so important?
Efficiency is about more than increasing productivity. It is, in fact, about responsibility. After all, every time work is done, some amount of energy is used, and there is only a finite amount of mass-energy in the universe. DE Enterprises is firmly committed to preserving energy for future generations; relying on a product that is only 56% efficient when we can develop one that is 100% efficient⁴ is wasteful. Who are we to deplete this non-renewable energy needlessly?

Who is the CEO of DE Enterprises?
The current CEO of DE Enterprises is Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson was responsible for expanding DE Enterprises from an ordinary sofa and stereo department store by inventing the sweater and propelling the company to the top of its competition. Today, Mr. Anderson prefers to stay outside of the public eye, and rarely grants interviews, instead preferring to focus his efforts on improving efficiency within the company.

Does Mr. Anderson have a first name?
Absolutely.

You say you’re all about efficiency, but some of your products seem incredibly inefficient. For example, how do you defend the gas-powered calculator?
This question is understandable, if based in ignorance. Mechanically speaking, the gasoline-powered calculator is substantially less efficient than conventional battery or solar-powered calculators. However, efficiency in this case refers to how efficient the product is at meeting its user’s needs. Our customers do not use the gasoline-powered calculator only to add numbers; they use it to add numbers in a memorable way, and we feel that a gasoline-powered calculator is the most efficient means to this end. All of our other products can be easily justified along similar lines if they at first seem inefficient; therefore, we have no need to defend any of our products against such baseless claims.

You have defined efficiency in two ways on your Frequently Asked Questions page. First, you said it is only about using less energy in the universe, and then you say that energy consumed is irrelevant. Which is it?
This is also an understandable point of confusion. Our commitment to conserving mass-energy is unwavering. However, we realize that if a person really wants to do something that is inefficient, he or she should at least have access to an efficient means of being inefficient.

Where can I purchase your products?
We are conducting a number of discussions with potential resellers, but our products are not currently available to the general public.

How do you pronounce DE Enterprises?
DE is pronounced as “day.”

What does the DE in DE Enterprises stand for?
It stands for “DE Enterprises.” And that DE stands for DE Enterprises as well.

What is the significance of your logo?
Our logo is commonly referred to as the Bohr Model, since it looks like the atomic model suggested by Niels Bohr. Although the Bohr Model didn’t turn out to be completely correct, we find that it makes a really cool logo; especially when it’s animated.